The cheerleader

The only time I ever really feel "anxiety" is about my weight. It usually happens before bed when I go over in my mind what I have eaten and what kind of exercise I have done through out the day. I get all pumped up thinking tomorrow is the day that I will start the rest of my life and I will be on a journey to get skinny and stay that way! I get it all planned out in my head and can't quit thinking about it. One night I had my weight loss plan all in place... I need to lose 50 pounds... and it needs to be for good this time! I need to change my eating habits and that is all there is to it!! Suddenly I had some not so fond memories of being a "chubby" child...
I never thought I had a weight problem. My mom and dad always made me feel so special and so beautiful. It was 7th grade... big time for a teen! Cheerleaders were a big thing back in the 70's and there was no doubt in my mind that I would be one. The try outs were after school. I got my best voice and smile out and jumped around to the cheer they had showed us to use for the occasion. I left that place with a smile imagining myself as a cheerleader and being quite proud of how well I had done. Well, to my great dismay, when they posted the list of the new 7th grade cheer leading squad - I was not on the list! It hit me like a brick, how could I have not known? I am fat, and one thing the world doesn't need is a fat cheer leader! For goodness sakes what in the world was I thinking? Why didn't anyone tell me before I made a fool out of myself? I don't remember what my reactions were... but, I do remember my mom and I joined TOPS (take off pounds sensibly) - and I lost 50 pounds!!!
Now, as a "chubby" adult - almost 50 - I realize, I have gained and lost that same 50 pounds my whole life! I think that will be my plan tonight:
I am almost 50 - time to take off that 50 forever!!